The World Cup: A Female Perspective

I have been looking forward to the World Cup in Brazil for quite a while for a number of reasons:
1 - It seemed likely to be quite vibrant being hosted in South America.
2- I love completing a wall chart.
3 - Frank Lampard is in the squad.

4- I like football anyway, more than most females (I can even explain the offside rule).

I've watched quite a lot of the games and here are my observations so far. You probably won't find them on the BBC, The Times or TalkSport.

1. Thomas Müller brought the wrong socks. They belong to a child. Poor packing.

2. Adrian Chiles needs more basic Portuguese pronunciation lessons.

It's Re-se-fee not Ree-see-fay! And Bel-o-re-sanche not Bell-oh-horror-zante! Zante is in Greece! Maybe it's a Birmingham thing!

3. There is a footballer called 'Fred'. FRED! He plays for Brazil and is 30 years old.

He looks like this:

But when I hear his name I'm looking for this:

4. I think this bloke turned up to the wrong event and about 4 months late.

Kyle Beckerman - USA midfielder

The half-pipe final was in Sochi in February, dude.

5. The reason for England's poor performance is also abundantly clear. There was something missing. It was obvious almost straight away but no pundit seems to have mentioned it. The England Supporters Band. I know I definitely couldn't perform to anywhere near my potential in an international football match if I didn't have The Great Escape constantly ringing in my ear.

6. One of the most famous stadiums in the tournament seems to be the 

Maracanã in Rio de Janeiro. 

Does anyone else just hear 'Macarena' instead? They should have just gone for

it and named the stadium after one of the most iconic songs of the 90s.

7. Cristiano Ronaldo continues to love having a bit of a strop and showing bad sportsmanship. 
I thought a bit more might have been said about him storming off down the tunnel without any 
handshakes after Portugal drew with USA in the group stages.

Ronaldo throws his toys out of the pram.

8. The original Ronaldo - Ronaldo Luís Nazário de Lima - WHAT has happened to him since 2011? Fair enough if he's making the most of being able to eat as much Brigadeiro as he likes but he wouldn't look out of place selling refreshments on Copacabana.

Come back later for more quality insight from my-so-fa. Got it Adrian?